TEN DIVORCE TRUTHS TO LIVE BY:
1. Emotional injustice can not be righted by legal justice. Trials are not the place to vindicate moral standards. The Court is not designed to offer emotional release or chastise “immoral” behavior, rather to apply the law to the set of legal facts before the Court.
2. Once you ignite a match in the courtroom, you cannot control the flames.
3. Your sense of fairness is not the same as the Judge’s or the law. The Judge decides the case based on a snapshot of the family as time and the law of evidence allows.
4. Court is public and everything said in court is recorded in a transcript. In this day of easy virtual acess, one day your children may see the transcript. Remember this when character assassination of your spouse seems tempting.
5. Take advice from friends and family with a grain of salt. Everyone wants to tell you a horrible divorce story and give you advice about what you are “entitled” to. Leave the legal advice to a trusted professional and keep your divorce as private as possible.
6. You and your spouse probably share more common interests financially and emotionally than anyone else in the world- even after the divorce. This is especially true if you have children.
7. Fear locks you into survival mode and hampers good decisions. Get the knowledge you need from a trusted source to address the reasons you are afraid. Once you know the law and how it applies to your facts, the process of divorce is much less scary. I have lots of information on my website and blog posts to get you started.
8. Some attorneys will increase the conflict between you and your spouse and decrease the likelihood of settlement. We lawyers as a profession are trained as advocates, not counelors. Look for an attorney who can help you pave the road to a smooth divorce and give you solid advice, while protecting your rights.
9.There are no quick fixes or painless ways to be divorced, there are simply paths that we choose. Some are life enhancing and some are life destroying. YOU get to make the choice as to weather this will be a time of destruction or transformation.
10. Recognize the good in your spouse and remember the good in your relationship during the divorce and validate it. It is rare that any of us are all bad or all good. Keeping this in mind during the divorce can make negotiations successful. You can’t just win and walk away. Your spouse is not just going to disappear- especially if you have children. Accept that you need to establish a new type of non-romantic partnership with him or her in order to successfully raise your children.